Close enough to meet Kṛṣṇa
When we think about the long way to attain love for Godhead, we may see it as something impossible. Truth is, we don't need to be perfect, we just need to get close enough.
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A small joke: Once, a mathematician and an engineer were invited to an experiment. A bowl of rasagullās was placed on a table on the other side of the room, and they were told that they could walk half of the distance to the table every minute. The mathematician immediately gave up, saying that it was foolish since he would never get there. The engineer, on the other hand, was very enthusiastic to participate. The mathematician told him to get real: he would never get to the rasagullās, but the engineer smiled and answered: Yes, that’s true, but very soon I will be close enough to eat them!
Similarly, when we think about the long way to attain love for Godhead, we may see it as something impossible. The more we can somehow advance, the more the goal seems to be distant. The further we go on the path, the more we realize how we are still distant from the goal.
In the beginning, we may think that with some effort we can become pure, that all it takes is to follow the rules strictly for a year or two. However, as we go further, we start to see our own anarthas and weaknesses more clearly, and we realize how far we truly are from the ideal. However, paradoxically as it may seem, this feeling of distance is actually a good symptom.
A true Vaiṣnava never feels that he attained Kṛṣṇa; on the opposite, he is always looking for Kṛṣṇa and anxiously waiting for the day he may get His mercy. This mood of humble separation is not a sign of failure; it is a sign of spiritual maturity.
This sentiment is described in detail by Śrīla Sanātana Goswami in the Bṛhad-bhāgavatāmṛta. When Nārada Muni started his epic journey to find the true recipient of Kṛṣṇa’s mercy, he went to the celestial planets, where he spoke with Indra and Brahma, then out of the universe to speak with Lord Śiva in Sadaśiva-loka. Then to the lower planets, to speak with Prahlāda Maharaja, to Jambūdvīpa, where he met Hanumān, and finally to Hastināpura, where he met with the Pandavas. Surprisingly enough, all these great devotees were spending their days in a mood of separation, hankering for the association of the Lord. Amazingly enough, even Uddhava and the Yadus were living in the same mood.
In fact, those who are closest to Kṛṣṇa still feel they have not truly attained Him. Only a sahajiyā thinks to have already attained Krsna; a pure devotee is always hankering for His association, because he understands how rare and valuable it is.
To see love of Godhead as a distant and valuable goal is actually a good sign. It shows that, at the very least, we are on the right path.
Another side is that one does not need to become completely perfect to be able to meet Kṛṣṇa. This may sound contradictory, but it is actually true.
From an abstract point of view, one may question: “Unless I am completely pure, how can I go back to Godhead?” This is similar to the mathematician: until we reach absolute perfection, there is always some distance left. But our ācāryas explain that, in practice, Kṛṣṇa’s mercy functions more like the engineer’s perspective: we must come very close, and then Kṛṣṇa and His eternal associates will carry us the rest of the way.
How does it work?
In reality, very few devotees go back to Godhead directly from this life. As explained by our ācāryas, most devotees take their next births in a universe where Krsna is executing His pastimes and are trained to join Kṛṣṇa lila from there.
We have the example of some of the gopis who joined Kṛṣṇa’s Lila from the group of the sages in the forest who had seen Lord Rāma and desired to serve Him in conjugal love; and from the group of the daughters of the demigods, who had a similar aspiration.
In those lifetimes, they were not yet fully qualified for direct association with Kṛṣṇa in Vraja. Still, by their intense desire, they attracted the mercy of the Lord, and in their next births, they took birth as gopīs in Vṛndāvana, where they got the association of Kṛṣṇa’s eternal associates, and gradually learned to love Kṛṣṇa in the same mood.
Even at this point, some of them had still vestiges of material attachment at the moment when Kṛṣṇa called them with the sound of His flute to join the rāsa dance. Although they loved Kṛṣṇa, they had developed relationships with their husbands, beget children, etc., and get attached to family life. Because of these last traces of attachment, some of them were not able to fully join Him at that time and were externally restrained by their husbands and other relatives. This shows that at that time, they still had material bodies that could be checked in this way.
However, this impediment made the separation burn like a blazing fire inside their hearts, incinerating these last vestiges of material attachment and granting them fully transcendental bodies, with which they could join Kṛṣṇa’s intimate pastimes.
This shows that entering the līlā is not the result of a mechanically completed checklist of qualifications. Rather, it is the result of a combination of a high degree of purification, coming from steady practice; a strong desire to serve Kṛṣṇa in a particular mood; and above all, Kṛṣṇa’s mercy in removing the remaining obstacles and fully accepting the devotee.
We don’t need to be completely perfect to take this last birth where Krsna is executing His pastimes; we just have to be close enough. The last mile will be covered by the mercy of Kṛṣṇa and association with His eternal associates.
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