Life questions: Finding my place in life

"I feel attracted to follow the spiritual process, chant, follow the principles, learn the philosophy, etc. but the politics in the temple discourage me."

This is another episode in the series with answers about practical problems and dilemmas we face in spiritual life:

“I’m practicing Krsna consciousness for about 5 years (now I’m 22). I’m getting some social pressure for situating myself in an āśrama, either joining the temple as a brahmacārī, or getting married and settling as a gṛhastha. I’m in a dilemma, because as I don’t feel like neither to become a brahmacārī nor to get married yet. I feel attracted to follow the spiritual process, chant, follow the principles, learn the philosophy, etc. but the politics in the temple discourage me. Many of my temple friends feel the same. I have the desire to travel to holy places, live like a sage.”

It’s true that the scriptures recommend being properly situated in one of the four spiritual āśramas for better facilities in practicing Krsna Consciousness. However, the truth is that nowadays it is rare to find someone who properly practices the regulations of the āśramas, because apart from determination and personal qualities, this requires facilities we don’t usually have nowadays. To be a proper brahmacārī, one has to have proper training and a proper environment, and to be a proper gṛhastha, one has to find a like-minded spouse, have the proper training, proper material facilities, etc. It is not easy if we are not born into a devote family and were properly trained from birth. This is more of an ideal that we try to get closer to over our lives, and not something most can immediately follow without proper guidance. In the beginning, we benefit more from getting fixed in chanting, following the principles, and understanding the philosophy. From what you described, it seems you are on the right path, so no need to rush.

Brahmacārī life can be positive as a training, if you take it just like military service, going to the āśrama with the idea of staying there for a fixed period of time (one year, two, or any other period that is suitable for you) to learn and practice Krsna Consciousness. However, you should go only if you feel you have a call for it, not based on social pressure.

Another question is that if you are currently going through university, you should first finish before thinking about joining an āśrama, because without finishing your studies, it can be very hard to maintain yourself later in life. Prabhupada was consistently encouraging devotees who were studying to conclude their studies, and then using their skills for Krsna. We can see this instruction being given consistently in letters, and also present in the memories of his disciples. We can see this policy also being applied in yātrās such as Chaupati. Recommending devotees to drop their studies and join the āśrama is not consistent with the teachings of Srila Prabhupada.

Marriage is also not something to enter into in a hurry. Even in Vedic culture, boys were married at the age of 24, after concluding their studies; you are still young, even by the Vedic standard.

Nowadays, marriage is much more difficult, so it’s important to first get some solid spiritual realization, life experience, and some financial stability. If you are not having difficulties with ladies, there is no need to hurry. Telling you to rush to marry is not good advice.

You said you have an attraction to practice spiritual life and visit holy places, and that you have friends from the temple. One format that can work for you is to find a few like-minded friends and share a place, getting an apartment, sharing expenses, and practicing together with them. You can do morning programs, japa, and studies on the scriptures in the morning, and then go to your regular studies and other activities during the day. You can invite a senior devotee to serve as a mentor for your group, and have some online meetings with him periodically; it doesn’t need to be a local person. In this way, you can have the benefits of living in an āśrama, without the negatives.

Over time, some of the friends will go, and others can come, and even when you decide that it is time to enter family life, or something else, the others can continue running the place.

Traveling to the holy places and associating with gurus and senior devotees is important for all devotees, and can give us a lot of important realizations. If you have the possibility of doing it now, I suggest going for it, finding senior assassination there can give you a very good foundation for your spiritual life. Of course, another point to keep in mind is that just as holy places are attended by pure devotees, they are places where we can find all kinds of deviants; therefore, it is important to be able to separate the good from the bad.

About the temple atmosphere, some temples can be very nourishing places where we can learn to serve Krsna and find inspiration for our spiritual life, but if there are politics, it means that the spiritual atmosphere is probably compromised. In this case, it is better to take a step back and visit the temple to see the deities, attend spiritual programs, and do some service, but stay clear of the negative aspects. By maintaining a healthy distance in such cases, we can still benefit from the temple without getting involved in intrigues.

Do you also have a life question? You can send me a private message, so I can answer it anonymously.

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