Polygamy, polyandry, and the Vedas
It’s well known that the Vedas mention cases of polygamy. Many kings in ancient times are described as having hundreds of wives. Should we also do the same? Not so fast...
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It’s well known that the Vedas mention cases of polygamy. Many kings in ancient times are described as having hundreds of wives. Successful vaiśyas would also often have several wives, and sometimes even brāhmanas and sages would have more than one wife, like in the case of Kaśyapa Muni.
Polygamy was abandoned in most modern cultures, and in our modern context, it appears to be very outdated. It also brings to mind an image of exploitation. How then to explain that it was practiced in Vedic societies, which are supposed to have higher moral standards?
The first point is that even in Vedic culture, polygamy was not considered ideal, but it was accepted because these societies operated under different principles.
One of the main reasons is that in these cultures, many men would remain as lifelong celibates, as brahmacārīs and later sannyāsīs, and thus not enter into family life. This was exacerbated by many kṣatriyas dying in battle, often before marriage. In this way, the female population in Vedic societies would be almost always considerably greater than the male population available for marriage. Since there was no divorce in these times, the problem would be solved by allowing some men (especially rich kṣatriyas and vaiśyas) to marry more than one wife, provided they had the resources to properly maintain all of them. Kṛṣṇa showed this to the maximum extent by marrying 16,108 princesses, and not only providing each one with a great palace, servants, golden ornaments, etc., but expanding himself to be personally present with all of them. This sets the standard. A man would be allowed to marry more than one woman if he were able to provide each with a separate house and keep all of them satisfied in all respects.
Another practice that is also described, although less common, is polyandry, one woman marrying more than one husband. Two examples are Draupadī marrying the five Pandavas and Marisa (the daughter of Kandu and Pramloca), who married the ten Pracetas. In this case, the standard is that a woman should be able to treat all of her husbands equally, so there is no disagreement between them.
According to Śrīla Prabhupāda in his purport to ŚB 4.30.16, in previous ages, sometimes a woman would marry a man together with his brothers, as in the case of both Draupadī and Marisa. This practice is still practiced in villages of Tibet (usually with the purpose of avoiding dividing the land possessed by the family).
Since polygamy and polyandry are mentioned in the Vedas, should we also start practicing them? Not so fast…
Actually, both polygamy and polyandry are largely practiced in modern societies, including inside our spiritual society, in the form of divorces and remarriages, which are nothing more than forms of serial polygamy and polyandry. A man has thus several wives, and a woman several husbands, although not at the same time. This is, however, not sanctioned in the scriptures and creates many practical problems, especially connected with the education of the children.
In Vedic societies, the family nucleus would always be preserved. Even if a man had many wives, each of the families would be preserved, and the children would grow up with both mother and father. In the cases of polyandry, the husbands would be brothers and would live in the same house. The family dynamic would thus also be preserved, with each child growing under the protection of father and uncles. In the modern system, families are broken due to divorce, which is much more problematic from the perspective of the children.
Another point is that although practiced in previous ages, polyandry is forbidden in Kali-yuga. The injunction from the scriptures is kalau pañca vivarjayet: In this age, a woman is forbidden to marry her husband’s brother. Even in previous ages, cases like Draupadī and Marisa were exceptions and not the rule. Such marriages would be allowed only in special circumstances, in the case of extraordinarily qualified ladies who would be able to treat all their husbands equally.
What about polygamy? Although allowed in the scriptures, polygamy is not considered the best standard. Vedic culture values spiritual progression and detachment, and polygamy is not an efficient way to achieve either. For a man to accept more than one wife, he has to be able to acquire a lot of material facilities to provide separate houses, servants, and ornaments for each wife, as well as to provide for all of their children. Ancient kṣatriyas and successful vaiśyas could do that, but modern men would be seriously pressed to fulfill all these obligations. Nowadays, most men can’t properly maintain even one wife, let alone several of them simultaneously.
We can also see that polygamy was the source of many problems even in previous ages. The whole pastime of Dhruva Maharaja started with a king who had two wives. One wife was envious of the other and wanted to make her son the next king instead of the older son of the first wife. The king fell under the control of his second wife and thus neglected his older son, creating the whole intrigue. Another example is the story of Yayāti, who ended up being cursed when Devayāni became angry at him for becoming more attracted to Śarmiṣṭhā. People in previous ages were much more qualified and self-controlled than now. We could just imagine what kind of issues we would have if these practices were to become widespread in our current society.
Although Prabhupāda mentions the practice of polygamy in his books as a system that could be implemented in general society to prevent men from leaving their families when they desire other women, his final decision was that it should not be practiced in our spiritual society, since our purpose is to become detached from this world, and not to increase our attachment. Śrīla Prabhupāda also acknowledged the potential problems associated with it.
We can see that although polygamy is mentioned in the sastras, the highest example is given by Lord Rama, who had only one wife. Polygamy was offered as a concession for men who were too lusty, as well as a way to solve the problem of a lack of marriageable men in previous ages. Nowadays, it is rare to find men who can take proper care of even one wife, and men who can adequately maintain more than one family are practically nonexistent. Another point is that in many societies (like in China and India), the male population is now larger, which makes polygamy unnecessary.
Polygamy worked in previous ages because people were much more controlled. We, however, live in Kali-yuga, the age of quarrel. In the age we live in, it is very difficult for families to live peacefully, and multiple women sharing the same husband increases the difficulties exponentially. This is problematic, especially in the case of spiritual societies. Some Christian and Muslim communities practice polygamy, but we can observe that they are often plagued by abuse, with leading men taking advantage of their positions to accumulate more wives, and the women frequently having no choice. We can only imagine the problems we would have faced in ISKCON in the 1980s and 1990s if, on top of all the scandals and problems we faced, we had also added polygamy. I don’t think our society would have survived.
Another side, however, is that we should also avoid serial polygamy and polyandry. Nowadays, divorces have become very common, but this doesn’t make them any less serious. Stable couples and children growing up under the care of both parents are essential for the health of any civilized society. Of course, frequently we don’t have a choice. A lady whose husband left has to continue to live and provide for her children, making the best of whatever choices are available, and similarly, a man whose wife divorced him often has to make hard choices to continue supporting his children. Desperate situations demand desperate measures. It is, however, much better when these situations can be somehow avoided. Children have a need for both parents.
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