The role of sense gratification, love and relationships in our spiritual practice

There is a lot of sense gratification going on in the spiritual world, it's just that sense gratification there is of a different nature, and therefore can be enjoyed without limits.

The term "sense gratification" can sound quite awkward at first. Normally, when we think about gratification, we think about gratifying ourselves, by enjoying some delicious cake, seeing beautiful places, and so on. The term "sense gratification" however calls our attention to the idea that these experiences actually gratify something else: our senses. The idea I'm not the body, also implies I'm not the senses, or even the mind that processes these material sensations into feelings of happiness or distress. Once I understand I'm not the body, the senses, and the mind, the idea of "sense gratification" makes more sense. It explains the concept that I'm not gratifying myself, but something else, the senses, which are not even alive.

Philosophically speaking, sense gratification in this material world is considered something problematic. There are things that are recommended in the scriptures without reservations, like chanting the holy names for example (there is no limit on how much one can chant, we can chant the whole day if we are able). However, when it comes to sense gratification there are many rules. Meat eating and drinking are allowed in the Vedas for certain classes of people but with many restrictions. Sex life is allowed only inside marriage, and eating is restricted to food offered in sacrifice (prasāda), and even then there are many days one should refrain from grains or even fast completely.

As Srila Prabhupada explains, restrictions apply to things that are inherently bad. Parents may restrict how many hours a child can watch TV or play video games, but they will not limit how low the child can read or study for example. Similarly, chanting the holy names and spiritual activities are always good and therefore are recommended without limits, while activities connected with sense gratification often bring negative results and thus are allowed only with restrictions. The idea is that if one can avoid it completely, it's better.

On the other hand, there is a lot of sense gratification going on in the spiritual world, it's just that sense gratification there is of a different nature, and therefore can also be enjoyed without limits. The first difference is that sense gratification in the spiritual world is enjoyed through spiritual senses, which are connected with Krsna's internal energy, while here we enjoy through material senses that are connected with the material nature. There is another important difference, however: in the spiritual world all the inhabitants relate their happiness with the happiness of Krsna, therefore they are anxious to give enjoyment to Krsna, not to enjoy themselves. Actually, they enjoy thousands of times more when they see Krsna enjoying than when they personally experience the same enjoyment.

One of the eternal characteristics of the soul is ānanda, bliss. It's not possible therefore for a soul to remain in a neutral state for a long time. The soul has to find enjoyment either in the spiritual platform or in the material platform.

Sense gratification in this material world is considered negative because it brings us further from Krsna, while sense gratification in the spiritual world, conversely, brings us closer to Him. As we can see, the main difference is the identification: in the material world we identify with the pleasure of our bodies, and in the spiritual world we identify with the pleasure of Krsna.

For one coming from the modern materialistic society, the idea of being happy by satisfying someone else may sound very alien, but it's actually quite easy to understand. Parents often identify more with the happiness of their children than with their own comfort. A senior lady, a disciple of Srila Prabhupada once commented to me how she was surprised when she saw a mother taking out the pieces of panner in her sabji to feed her small child. She said she could not understand it at the time, since she liked panner, but after getting her own baby, she said, she started doing the same thing. A mother feels much happier when the baby gets something than when she personally gets it, so she tries to give him all the best. Similarly, a pure devotee feels happier when Krsna enjoys something than when he himself enjoys, therefore he wants to give all the best for Krsna, and he feels happy when he sees Krsna is happy.

The lowest level of identification is when we identify with our own bodies and try to just satisfy the body through the senses. The highest is when we identify with Krsna's happiness and try thus to satisfy Him. Between the two extremes, there is something else: when we identify with the happiness of another person. This is the path that can help us to move from one extreme to the other.

We can see that, although still material (because it is still under the conception of "I and mine" of the false ego), the love of the mother is quite close to the pure love the inhabitants of the spiritual world have for Krsna. Once a lady has the opportunity to serve her baby in a relationship of love, it becomes much easier to understand the joy of doing the same for Krsna. The father also experiences it to a certain degree, but it's much more pronounced in the mother. This is an opportunity given but the material nature for ladies to understand that serving Krsna. That's a point where the ladies get a better bargain, so to speak.

Ladies are, in general, more attached to sense gratification than men, therefore it's difficult to renounce sense gratification based on just philosophical understanding like some men can do. Children are thus often the best opportunity women have to transcend the platform of selfish sense gratification and enter into the mood of selfless service, which can be later transferred to Krsna. This is important especially nowadays when society pushes us in the direction of increasing our selfishness instead of diminishing it. When one tries to cultivate renunciation from this selfish platform, the result is often a dry, unhealthy type of renunciation that is actually not good in the long term.

People who are spiritually advanced from their past lives often can understand what spiritual love is by their spiritual practice as a fruit of their past evolution. However, for most of us, it is quite difficult to understand if we don't have experience of what love is in the material platform. Love between men and women is heavily contaminated by lust and therefore can hardly be considered love at all. Only the love of a mother for her child is close to being pure. Unless one had a good mother or has a beloved child, it's quite probable that he or she never experienced anything close to love in this life. As a result, it becomes also difficult to understand what love for Krsna is.

Another possibility of experiencing love is when one has the opportunity to associate with a guru who really shows love for his disciples. Many narrate how Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura and Srila Prabhupada showed this love for their disciples and such love made them understand what love for Krsna is. Many nowadays have the same opportunity to receive love from their spiritual masters, but unfortunately, this doesn't always happen, since most spiritual masters nowadays have many disciples and not all of us are qualified to benefit from close association with the guru. The relationships with godbrothers and godsisters may also not be very harmonious at times and may also not fill this role.

Spiritual practice without a good understanding of love and relationships in the spiritual world more often than not results in impersonalism, when one becomes frustrated with this material world and desires to just extinguish his individuality, which is not our goal. Not only can this limit our spiritual potential but will also make it hard to properly relate to others, which, in turn, causes other problems. Many of us may know cases of devotees who although can perform their services tend to be very impersonal or even mean in their relationships with others. That's not a path most of us would like to follow.