What to do when senior devotees don’t act properly?
When we start practicing Kṛṣṇa Consciousness, we often think all devotees are saints. However, as time passes, we begin to see that they also have imperfections.
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What to do when senior devotees don’t act properly?
When we start practicing Kṛṣṇa Consciousness, we often think all devotees are saints. Compared to the problems of general society, the community of devotees may appear like a perfect society, just as Śrīla Prabhupāda describes in his books.
However, as time passes, we begin to see that devotees also have imperfections. Not all devotees are kind; everyone has bad days, and not everyone is completely honest. In fact, many of the same challenges we find in ordinary relationships can also appear in devotee circles. This is natural: devotees are also human, and chanting for a few years does not automatically make one fully transcendental.
The real challenge comes when we see senior devotees, who are often practicing for twenty, thirty years, or even more, acting in ways inconsistent with their status. They may lack humility or consideration, struggle with relationships, appear impersonal or dismissive, show little compassion, or seem to be low in empathy. How can we make sense of it without losing faith?
We can also learn from bad examples
The first point to consider is that everyone can make mistakes, depending on how we define “mistake”. Even Kṛṣṇa is sometimes criticized for breaking His promise or marrying many wives. This shows that even the Supreme Lord can be misunderstood if judged superficially. What to say about conditioned souls?
As one advances in the spiritual path, one is supposed to commit fewer mistakes than he or she would do otherwise, but mistakes will continue until a very high platform. Even then, when one really attains a platform of purity, one will probably still be perceived as committing mistakes because others may misunderstand one's actions or intentions. For example, Śrīla Prabhupāda was criticized for statements on women or social issues, often by those who lacked proper context.
A more helpful approach is to observe, rather than judge. Sometimes, senior people may be acting under different principles and priorities we are not familiar with, and by observing, we can learn something. Sometimes they may commit mistakes due to human imperfections, and if we are introspective enough, we can also learn from that.
Once, Brahmā created a daughter called Vāk, the predominant deity of speech. Somehow, Brahmā became attracted and started following her, which led Marīci and his other sons to voice their condemnation. It’s difficult to understand how a great personality like Brahmā (who doesn’t even have a gross body like ours) could be inclined in such a way, but Śrila Prabhupāda offers a possible explanation in one of his purports:
“It might be that Brahmā wanted to warn his subordinates about human frailties in their dealings with women. This is always very dangerous for persons who are on the path of self-realization. Therefore, great personalities like Brahmā, even when in the wrong, should not be neglected, nor could the great sages headed by Marīci show any disrespect because of his extraordinary behavior.”
In the Bṛhad-Bhāgavatāmṛta, Śrila Sanātana Gosvāmī mentions that often great personalities commit mistakes to call our attention to mistakes we can also commit and their results. Brahmā becoming attracted to his daughter led him to be condemned by his sons, Bharata Maharaja becoming attached to the deer led him to take two additional births before going back to Godhead, and so on.
That’s surely a nice way to see it in cases of respected devotees who commit human mistakes. If we can learn from the mistakes of senior persons and save ourselves from committing the same mistake in the future, this can surely be positive, and we can thank them for that.
This, however, should not be used as an excuse in serious cases of premeditated action or repeated offenses that cause serious harm to others. These belong to an entirely different category.
Conditioned nature
A second point is the conditioned nature. With a few exceptions, as long as we live in this world, we serve Kṛṣṇa using the material body and conditioned nature that we acquire as a result of our birth, upbringing, past experiences, traumas, etc. Each devotee comes to Kṛṣṇa Consciousness with a certain package, and while spiritual practice gradually purifies it, the pace and order in which certain qualities change can vary. The process of anartha-nivṛtti that gradually purifies the heart is neither quick nor uniform. One may be able to give up intoxication, but still struggle with pride, overcome lust, but speak harshly, and so on. Anyone who practices Kṛṣṇa Consciousness will become a better person than they would be otherwise, but it also depends on where we start and how quickly we progress.
Certain qualities are very deeply rooted and may not change even in very advanced stages of devotional practice. Some are overly intellectual, others socially awkward, emotionally distant, lacking empathy, and so on. When a certain characteristic is very prominent in one’s physique, it may persist even after many decades of practice. The natural progression in such cases is that instead of giving up these traces, one may find ways to use them in his or her service. We can then have someone who lacks social warmth but becomes very absorbed in chanting or studying, for example. Often, we just are what we are, and we have to learn to dovetail it with Kṛṣṇa.
Another point to consider is that more often than not, we face difficult situations in life, including loss, betrayal, and so on, and people who live longer usually carry a heavier load. Often, devotees who have been around for more time are the ones who have experienced more of it, and this can have a lasting impact on the way they relate to others. There are many episodes in the history of the world and of our movement that may affect us just by hearing about them; we can just imagine the effect on someone who was there. Often, devotees just withdraw, concluding that interacting with society is just not worth it, or stop trusting people. From there, they may continue practicing and developing internally, but their external behavior may not be the most amicable. When we see someone like this, it helps to keep in mind that there may be reasons for it.
Kṛṣṇa Himself shows compassion in the Bhagavad-gītā, mentioning that, “Even if one commits the most abominable action, if he is engaged in devotional service, he is to be considered saintly because he is properly situated in his determination. He quickly becomes righteous and attains lasting peace. O son of Kuntī, declare it boldly that My devotee never perishes.”
The meaning is that one can show all kinds of material faults, but as long as one has devotion to the Lord as his or her core identity, one is still accepted by Kṛṣṇa, and one’s spiritual advancement continues. It may take time, but because of Kṛṣṇa’s protection, one eventually gets there. Indra often commits serious mistakes, such as killing Viśvarūpa, his spiritual master, and even trying to destroy Vṛndāvana, together with all Kṛṣṇa’s associates. Still, Kṛṣṇa accepts him as a devotee and continues to help him.
In short, the process of becoming free from our conditioned nature is longer than we may assume in the beginning. Normally, the process can take several lives. Therefore, it is not surprising if someone may show undesirable traits even after decades of practice. Some advance faster, others go more slowly; it is an individual process. Different devotees will have different positives and negatives, and therefore, it helps when we see both together. One may be harsh, but reliable, another may be socially aloof, but know the scriptures well, and so on. It is easier when we see their sincerity in serving Kṛṣṇa, instead of judging based on external patterns of behavior they can’t easily change.
When we see seniors as human beings, instead of role models we have to obey unconditionally, it becomes easier to overlook their imperfections, just as we hope others may overlook ours.
An anecdote connected with that, told by Mahatma Prabhu, is that once a devotee reached Goloka Vṛndāvana and was surprised to see all the devotees he thought would never make it there. How could it be possible? The one who was never nice to others, the one who didn’t seem to have any sincerity, and even the one who stole money from the temple. The others were equally surprised to see him there; they also thought he would never make it!
Adjusting expectations
Finally, there is another important factor: stereotypes. Sometimes we have expectations of what a “pure devotee” should be: endlessly compassionate, available, gentle, and faultless. But reality is more complex. Often, one may have pressing responsibilities and a tight schedule. Prabhupāda used to be available to people in the beginning, when he was still trying to establish his movement and had more free time. However, later, he was prioritizing writing his books and dealing with pressing issues, and could not make himself as available as before. Even his disciples often struggled to get a short meeting. The defining quality of a pure devotee is that he or she will always be engaged in serving Kṛṣṇa. Other characteristics may vary according to different factors.
A final point is that although we should respect any senior person (if nothing else, we can at very least appreciate that they are chanting the holy names longer than us), we don’t have to be closer to, or receive instructions from persons we don’t like or trust. These two things don’t necessarily have to come together. Respect should be given to everyone, but we can choose which devotees we may want to relate closely to or not. We should respect a policeman, but this doesn’t mean we have to live with him in his house. Just as we choose who to be friends with based on affinity and other factors, we can choose which seniors to be close to or not. When we learn to separate these two factors and respect people at a distance, everything becomes much easier.
Keeping away from the dark side
What is essential in these situations is to avoid developing a negative mentality that will adversely affect our consciousness. Nourishing anger and hate is like drinking poison and expecting that someone else will die. These are things that poison ourselves. When we go on this path, we can very quickly start to generalize, assuming that everyone is like that, that the process doesn’t work, that the whole institution is corrupt (since often people of less than stellar character are found in positions of leadership), and so on, which pushes us in the direction of isolation and bitter criticism. Adjusting expectations and avoiding blanket judgments can go a long way.
We have to answer for what we personally do, not for others. If someone is acting in improper ways, senior or not, it’s he or she who will have to answer for that, not us. There is thus no reason to become agitated. By observing the negative effects, we can learn from the bad example, and this can also help us grow.
Devotees are on a journey, just as we are. Conditioned nature, scars from the past, and different temperaments all shape how devotees appear externally. Even advanced devotees may not always fit our expectations of saintliness. The key is to respect their dedication to the process, learn from both their strengths and weaknesses, and keep our faith rooted in worshiping Kṛṣṇa, chanting the holy names, and trying to understand the philosophy, instead of paying too much attention to personalities or appearances.
When we adjust our expectations and avoid blanket judgments, we can remain steady in our spiritual practice. When we do that, instead of shaking our conviction, others’ imperfections can teach us important lessons, starting from patience and humility.
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