Why is it so difficult to cooperate with others?
Cooperation is one of the most difficult things in life, especially in the age we live in. Although most can understand that such conflicts are detrimental, we often can't do anything about it.
Cooperation is one of the most difficult things in life, especially in the age we live in. We can see that in all spheres of life (inside families, communities, in business partnerships, or even among friends), misunderstandings, quarrels, and even open conflict are common. Although most can understand that such conflicts are detrimental to their quality of life and peace of mind, most can’t do anything about it. It’s just very difficult to live together and peacefully cooperate. We fight over all kinds of small things, and even when there is no reason at all.
This lack of cooperation creates so many difficulties in our day-to-day lives. Even simple things become complicated when people are not willing to listen, adjust, or forgive. In a family, this creates tension over even small issues. In a community, it makes even simple projects difficult to put into practice. Instead of helping one another, people become absorbed in defending their own position, proving they are right. In this way, lack of cooperation is not just some kind of abstract problem; it directly affects our peace, our relationships, and our ability to perform ordinary activities properly.
When it comes to spiritual life, this is an even greater problem, since a great deal of the Vaiṣnava process is based on cooperation. It’s very difficult to advance in spiritual life alone. We literally depend on each other to progress in the path of bhakti.
In his purport on SB 2.1.2, Śrila Prabhupāda gives us a series of cues about what prevents us from cooperating. The central point is envy, which comes from material consciousness:
“The word medhi indicates jealousy of others. The grhamedhis, being interested in family affairs only, are certainly envious of others. Therefore, one grhamedhi is not on good terms with another grhamedhi, and in the extended form, one community, society or nation is not on good terms with another counterpart of selfish interest. In the Age of Kali, all the householders are jealous of one another because they are blind to the knowledge of ultimate truth”. (SB 2.1.2 purport)
As Śrila Prabhupāda points out, envy is the central point of materialistic life, creating all kinds of quarrels, disputes, and ultimately wars, in all spheres of human life. Someone who is very advanced in the spiritual life is supposed to be free from such envy, but not being so advanced, we still may fall victim to it from time to time. It’s something that is deeply rooted in our hearts and follows us very far into spiritual life. The ghramedhi is the chronic example, but there are many more subtle cases.
When we envy someone, it’s almost impossible to cooperate with such a person. We tend to avoid doing anything that will be beneficial or pleasant for him or her. In fact, we will want to make they disappear, to exile them, or tie a stone to their leg and throw them into the river. Such sentiments can sometimes endure for decades, serving as fuel for all kinds of disputes and intrigues. That’s material consciousness, a symptom of association with the modes of passion and ignorance. As long as we are engrossed in the association of these modes, it’s difficult for us not to think like that.
“Arjuna said: O descendant of Vrsni, by what is one impelled to sinful acts, even unwillingly, as if engaged by force? The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: It is lust only, Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material mode of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring sinful enemy of this world.” (Bg 3.36-37)
Nowadays, many try to solve such problems by utilizing problem-solving techniques and other skills borrowed from modern psychology. Such techniques may help to some extent, but they don’t really cure the disease: they just mask the symptoms. They are more or less like an analgesic, which temporarily reduces the symptoms of the disease, making us feel a little less uncomfortable for the time being, without doing much to really cure it.
To really be able to get rid of this problem, both on an individual and on a collective level, we have to advance in spiritual life. That’s the ultimate answer. As long as we stay on the neophyte platform, it will be difficult to cooperate. There will be a lot of intrigues, politics, and so on, of which the root cause is lust and envy. We have to go up, progressing from the neophyte to the intermediary platform.
One of the greatest problems of a neophyte is that although he or she pays respects to the deity, he or she is not able to behave properly towards other devotees and people in general. One still needs to develop faith, humility, and compassion, and thus learn how to control one’s envy and treat others properly.
Faith means to try to deeply understand and follow the Vaiṣnava philosophy, adjusting our consciousness to the knowledge we receive from the past teachers instead of the opposite. Faith means to take these scriptures to our heart and try to understand and apply each point from this perspective.
Next, we have humility and compassion, two qualities that frequently walk together. Both qualities come from spiritual practice and advancement. There is a saying from Einstein: “The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.” Someone who knows very little usually thinks that he knows everything, but someone who knows more understands that there is much more to know. We have the same problem in spiritual life: someone who is not very advanced may think that he is a pure devotee, but someone who is a little more progressed starts to understand that there is still a long way to go, and thus starts to develop humility. As his knowledge and realization deepen, he also starts to develop compassion by understanding the precarious position of the people in this material world and by being able to relate to their distress.
As this faith, humility, and compassion increase, we progress little by little towards the second platform, of which the main symptom is to be able to treat everyone properly. Because there is humility, compassion, and realization, it becomes natural to treat everyone well and cooperate with others. A devotee on such a platform doesn’t see friends and enemies, nor thinks about how to enjoy or have power; he just thinks about how to help, how to serve. He is no longer interested in false prestige.
The first symptom is that he gives his love to Kṛṣṇa, understanding that Kṛṣṇa is the Supreme and that he has an eternal relationship with Him. To the devotees, he gives his sincere friendship and cooperation, being their well-wisher. To innocent persons of the general public, he shows compassion by teaching and trying to elevate them to the platform of devotional service. Finally, to those who are hostile or envious he shows indifference, staying out of quarrels and senseless disputes (SB 11.2.46). At this stage, we start to develop love for Kṛṣṇa, and such love can be easily extended. As Śrila Prabhupāda explains: one who loves Kṛṣṇa can love everyone. Where there is love, it is easy to have proper relationships and cooperation. As in other aspects of life, the true solution is to be Kṛṣṇa conscious.
By advancing in spiritual life and being able to cooperate, we can please the guru and Kṛṣṇa, as the Lord personally says to the Pracetas:
“The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: My dear sons of the King, I am very much pleased by the friendly relationships among you. All of you are engaged in one occupation — devotional service. I am so pleased with your mutual friendship that I wish you all good fortune. Now you may ask a benediction of Me.” (SB 4.30.8)
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