Why sometimes our hearts become harder over time, instead of softer?

It seems that in some cases one's heart melts as a result of years of service, but in others, the heart becomes harder. What determines the outcome? Lord Kapila offers some valuable insight.

Many devotees serve a lot, and their hearts become very soft. They become full of love and are able to encourage others in the spiritual path. They can put themselves in the shoes of others and avoid acting in ways that create difficulties for others. As a result, they are very considerate in their dealings and, by their personal example, nourish the ones who are fortunate enough to be around them.

Others, however, serve a lot, but over time, their hearts become hard. They become harsh and intolerant and can become quite a toxic association. They have difficulty understanding others and little patience or empathy. Their mood is frequently "my way or the highway".

It seems that in some cases one's heart melts as a result of years of service, but in others, the heart becomes harder. What determines the outcome? Lord Kapila offers some valuable insight:

"Devotional service executed by a person who is envious, proud, violent and angry, and who is a separatist, is considered to be in the mode of darkness. The worship of Deities in the temple by a separatist, with a motive for material enjoyment, fame and opulence, is devotion in the mode of passion." (SB 3.29.8-9)

Sounds very hard, but it gives us important insight into a dangerous trap in our practice of devotional service, that if not avoided, can lead us to a path different than we originally intended.

Devotional service exists in the transcendental platform, and in this sense is always pure. There is nothing connected with Krsna that is not pure. However, the person performing the service may not be pure, and in this case, the way our service is expressed through our practical actions can be far from ideal. This may sound confusing, but it is the same with the soul: each one of us is a pure soul, part and parcel of Krsna, but our current condition is not exactly pure, and therefore our actions are often far from ideal. Due to the material coverings, the pure soul can thus act as a robber or a killer, or even something worse.

When we are under the influence of passion and ignorance, our devotional service can be expressed through these modes. When devotional service is expressed through the lenses of the mode of passion, there is hankering for fame, prestige, or power, while one who is executing devotional service through the lenses of the mode of ignorance can express enviousness, pride, anger, and verbal or even physical violence.

A devotee in this platform is also defined by Lord Kapila as a "separatist", in the sense that his desires are not dovetailed with the desires of Krsna, and therefore, he is frequently very active in doing what he wants to do, and not necessarily what is positive for others or the mission. One may be trying to serve Krsna, but the ways this service is expressed can be quite damaging. One can become harsh, intolerant, envious, and so on.

Of course, very few of us will be pure from the first day. There is always a path we need to go through. It may take some time, but the tendency is that one who is practicing devotional service becomes gradually purified and free from the association of the lower modes. The idea is that we improve over time, even if gradually.

We at first become situated in the platform of goodness, and from there have a chance of elevating ourselves to the transcendental platform. At this point, the heart becomes soft. When lust and anger are removed, we can see ourselves and Krsna. We can then understand how Krsna loves His devotees, and we can become honestly concerned with the welfare of all. One who reaches this platform can help enormously everyone who is in contact with them, through their service, example, friendship, advice, and prayers.

The problem is that when one is executing devotional service mixed with passion and ignorance, the effect can take a long time to appear because while one is superficially serving Krsna, there is still a separatist mentality inside his heart. Because of this dissonance between one’s desires and the desires of Krsna, one can act in all kinds of improper ways, and this harsh, inconsiderate, or envious behavior can lead one to commit many offenses to others, which can have quite a damaging impact on one's plant of bhakti. Devotees following this path can serve for decades without seeing the expected change of heart. As time passes, they often just become more and more dry and critical.

In the Caitanya Caritamrta, we hear the example of Ramacandra Puri, who, due to his critical and envious attitude, would spend his time criticising Vaiṣṇavas based on how much they would eat and other factors. Although he was very senior in years and a disciple of Madhavendra Purī, he criticized even Lord Caitanya Himself.

How can we avoid that? One thing I learned is that the main component of spiritual life is to cultivate deep relationships with other devotees. In the spiritual world, people pass eternity developing deep spiritual relationships focused on Krsna, and if we plan to go there, we should start now. When we can find a situation where we are surrounded by well-wishers and we can serve in their company, we can blossom very quickly in spiritual life, but an environment where we are surrounded by toxic devotees can be damaging.

Austerity has its role in spiritual life, but it is smaller than we may think, and it can even become a double-edged sword when not properly used. Austerity done with the proper mentality and with the proper goal is very nourishing for one's spiritual life, but austerity done with the wrong mentality or without proper guidance can harden our hearts.

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Read also:

SANKHYA, The Philosophy of Lord Kapila

Developing Pure Love (Srimad Bhagavatam #39)

Who is Bipin Bihari Goswami?