Women value men who are in control of their desires and emotions
How can a man who is interested in practicing Kṛṣṇa Consciousness in family life find a suitable wife? The scriptures give a few tips that can greatly increase our chances.
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Women value men who are in control of their desires and emotions
How can a man who is interested in practicing Kṛṣṇa Consciousness in family life find a suitable wife and not only live peacefully with her but create an environment where both can practice and develop their Kṛṣṇa Consciousness?
It may sound quite difficult; some may even say it’s near impossible nowadays, with all the problems and moral degradation we find in the world. However, the scriptures give a few tips that can greatly increase our chances.
One of the best examples is the story of Kardama Muni in the 3rd canto of Srimad Bhagavatam. Despite being a destitute sadhu, he got married to Devahūti, the most beautiful and qualified princess of the time. He didn’t even have to look for her: her father came to him to propose the marriage, having got to know that Devahūti had fallen in love with the sage after hearing about his qualities from Nārada Muni.
How could this have happened? Can I also get a princess like Devahūti? Well, maybe not like Devahūti, but still, these are principles that can help enormously in finding a good wife and living peacefully in family life.
Contrary as it may seem, the best way to find a good wife is not look for one in the first place. Most ladies don’t appreciate men who run after them, and they don’t value them either. Single ladies usually receive frequent proposals from men who they are not interested in, and this feels more like harassment than anything else. If we do the same, we will probably also be seen like that. As soon as a man becomes known as someone desperate to marry, only the most desperate ladies will consider having anything to do with him; he will not be valued. It may look unfair, but that’s how things work in the material world. Unfortunately, society can be quite cruel. Some, in desperation, even go to search for a wife on social networks, which is often a recipe for disaster.
What to do then? The best is to forget about it and instead just focus on improving our Kṛṣṇa Consciousness, getting a good education, developing our talents, and expanding our services, as well as gradually achieving a stable financial situation. Instead of trying to seduce ladies, it’s more productive to just work on our devotional practice and develop our talents, do something useful for society, and for ourselves.
Ladies, in general, value men who show that they can control their desires and emotions. They look for stability, and a man who looks mature, who can do useful things, and who is respected in the group for his talents and contributions automatically attracts attention. We don’t really need to do much, just develop our qualities and do something useful, and gradually, interested ladies will start to appear.
By learning to control our emotions, becoming mature, and having access to more experienced devotees who can give us good advice, our chances of finding a good spouse will be greatly improved.
Men try to seduce ladies, but this usually leads to troubled relationships, because relationships established in such ways are based on lust and tend to be short-lived, often bringing the worst out of people. When, instead, a man works on developing his qualities, he usually attracts the right type of woman, who appreciates his qualities and will be interested in following him. Simultaneously, it will also bring him the wisdom to select the right woman. That’s how one can find a good wife even in today’s world.
Another point is that we can’t cheat our karma. Peaceful family life is something that demands a good deal of piety, and most of us lack it. We can try as hard as we can, but it’s extremely difficult to change it. In fact, most of the time, there is only one way to change things: The mercy of Kṛṣṇa.
Kṛṣṇa can change our karma at any moment, as He sees fit. How can we attract the mercy of Kṛṣṇa? Only by serving Him and His devotees.
One may have been very impious in his past life and thus have the karma of suffering terribly in family life, but by serving Kṛṣṇa and practicing spiritual life, Kṛṣṇa may decide to change it. The possibilities on this path are much higher than just trying to seduce some random lady.
This was the path Kardama Muni decided to choose, as described in the Srimad Bhagavatam. Instead of going here and there begging for someone to marry him, he dedicated himself to performing austerities and, as a result, was able to directly see the Lord. He expressed his desire to get a good wife, but the Lord already knew about it and had already made arrangements.
More than just arranging for a good wife for Kardama Muni, the Lord assured him that this union would also help him to progress in his spiritual life. Two days later, Svāyambhuva Manu himself appeared at the hermitage of the sage to offer him his daughter Devahūti in marriage.
This is considered the most auspicious type of marriage. Instead of going around chasing a lady, Kardama Muni dedicated himself to developing his qualities and improving his devotion, and as a result, he satisfied the Lord. By His divine arrangement, Princess Devahūti listened to his good qualities from Nārada Muni and fell in love with him. Being a chaste lady, she also didn’t approach him directly but instead revealed it in confidence to some senior lady, who in turn informed his father. Understanding that Kardama Muni was a suitable groom, he personally went to him to offer his daughter in marriage.
When a qualified lady falls in love with a man, not just due to his appearance or other superficial traits, but due to his personal qualities, she will value this marriage and be able to tolerate difficulties to maintain it. This is especially important in marriages between devotees since the necessity of combining material and spiritual life poses additional challenges.
The man, on the other hand, will not just marry out of lust, and this will help him to maintain his mind in order and enter into the marriage with the right mentality and act responsibly. This combination of a loving and dedicated wife and a responsible and self-controlled husband tends to produce a very strong union, which can be very positive for both and bring forth very good children, which in turn will increase the happiness of the parents. It’s surely much better than searching on Tinder.
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